Welcome to the uttermost amazing sports entertainment in the Western Hemisphere! Welcome to Payback! Tonight the one and only Phenom is back not just as your favorite commentator BUT as your lovable host. I’m sorry once again for missing Wrestlemania, but I can’t force my daughter to stay in her womb. I hope you all had a swell time but onto other matters. Tonight I’m joined by our wanna be Hulk. Please welcome “Me want gains!” MarkyMc!!
MarkyMC: Hey Phenom, be sure you tell the fans you missed Wrestlemania to see Nickelback at your local car wash. I’m excited to watch The Hardys defend their titles tonight, maybe Stroman makes a heel out of Reigns, and of course the “G.O.A.T” Chris Jericho! Drink it in Maaaaaan! Dick I remembered ya but I also remembered what my mom taught me about not having anything nice to say.
Now tonight’s card is a packed one. We have the myth, the legend, the demon: Finn Balor on MizTV, the Big Dog facing the beast who overturned an ambulance, the KO tip who will get……………………………..it, and many more amazing matches. I feel like I’m missing something. Oh that’s right, I have another no where near as amazing commentator with me, please welcome Rich! Sorry Dick you now must feel how I did after you forgot about me during that Wrestlemania pay per view!
This should be a pretty good card. Not sure exactly how I got stuck with these two idiots again. Phenom has an intellect that rivals only a pile of rocks and MarkyMC my mom said if you have something to say; say it! You may be working on a body for the beach but maybe you should try focusing on those brains from Fisher Price first!
Finn Balor on MizTV:
Phenom: So I’m not a huge fan of wrestlers own TV segments. Sorry Mike, your best promos are NOT on MizTV. Anyways the A Lister has a spectacular guest who has been injured the last few months. This looks to be a small waste of two very talented wrestlers but I truly believe this is where the Balor Club fully emerges!
MarkyMC: Balor isn’t wrestling and Miz is a tool. I will probably use this time to make a protein shake and if i have to sprint to the TV to watch the new Bullet club begin so be it. Til then save this garbage for the 3 hour show you can’t write. Thought’s on this, Dick?
Rich: The only thing that saves this segment is the Awesomeness of The Miz! Who cares about a still injured Finn Balor, If he is not hurt why is he not wrestling to take back the Universal Championship or at least moving up the ladder for a rematch.
Enzo and Cass vs The Club:
Phenom: After weeks of terrible booking of two great wrestlers, we see a glimpse of hope that the Balor Club will re emerge. Watch out for some Empire Elbows and Flying Enzos! Club loses but re-emerges as the Balor Club!
MarkyMC: Hey WWE a couple Wolfpac wannabes vs. A giant and what i can only imagine what Paris Hiltons puppy looks like. Can’t say I’ve seen this before. One of these 2 tag teams should be facing the Hardys for those belts. This PPV is called payback not “Groundhog Day”. Score one for the realest guys in the room ‘How you doin!”
Rich: No way The Club loses to these two clowns. Plain and simple. “How you doin?” Ask someone who cares!
Payback Main Card:
Phenom: Austin Aries wants revenge on the King of the Cruiserweights! Unfortunately Neville knows ADouble’s poor sighted weakness. Look for an amazing show from these talented wrestlers but regicide will be performed for the second time in American history!
MarkyMC: Why isn’t this on the PreShow… Neville is the better athlete but Aries has put in his time and is just getting juiced. He’ll get the belt just for having to do commentary with Cory Graves!
Rich: Honestly not even wasting my time on this garbage!
Raw Women’s Championship:
Phenom: The Hugger will be facing the short Alexa Bliss. Bliss is a fast attacking woman (like Rich) but Bayley is prepared. A Bayley to Bell drop and the number 1 contender will have to scratch her way back up. Bayley wins!
MarkyMC: Good womens match for the card and Bayley is the pretty face of the womens division. Bliss will hold that belt soon enough but she’s too new to that RAW roster. Bring on the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing TubeMen!
Rich: This has the possibility of being a very good match. Alexa Bliss didn’t come to Raw to lose(like Phenom does at life). I will admit that Bayley is a competitor and may be on a different level than Alexa is used to, Alexa finds a way to pull out the win!
Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe:
Phenom: The Kingslayer has returned to pick apart the destroyer. Jericho nearly removed himself from Joes lock so look for Seth to watch and prepare in case it’s needed. Seth will win with a NEW finisher!
MarkMC: This match is definitely the first of many. I can’t help but think there’s no way this doesn’t end without interference. I keep teasing the idea of a new Evolution stable. Reports are saying we may see a shield reunion soon as well. This could be an integral part of building this plot. Heels always cheat to win so i’ll go with Seth Freakin Rollins by DQ!
Rich: Samoa Joe lets his actions do the talking. Seth Rollins does not get the Payback he is seeking. Let’s face it, he should not have won the match against HHH at WrestleMania. Seth thinks Joe hurt his leg before… He may just rip Rollins leg off and beat him with it!
Raw Tag Team Championship:
Phenom: Man what a thrill has it been since the Hardy boys have returned. However the International Warriors: Sheamus and Cesaro have been under looked as of late. A good brogue kick will take out the brothers!
MarkyMC: This is a great match for the Hardys. This match is going to be high flying, fast, and brutal. The back and forth between these 2 teams over the past few weeks has been incredibly entertaining. I wish I could say this match ends with a twist of fate and a swanton bomb but if my gut serves me right we should be expecting some foul play from Sheamus and the beginning of “Broken Brilliance” DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!
Rich: Cesaro and Sheamus have been showing a lot of respect to the Hardy’s in recent weeks. Look for this to end at Payback. The trap has been set Fella! Cesaro takes one if not both of the Hardy’s for a spin and a brogue kick will surely follow! Not sure what Phenom has been drinking but maybe he should keep it up! This is the first intelligent thing he has said in months.
United States Championship:
Phenom: Kevin Owens will face his former best friend and his childhood hero! Jericho will look to give everything he can to make sure the finger tip gets……………………………………………………….it. Jericho will become champion again. Drink it in Mannnnnnnnnnn!
MarkyMC: Owens is going to win this one because he’s still in HHH’s pocket and not to mention Jericho is touring with his band in May. I originally thought Owens would take the loss so the belt would go to SmackDown but that 3hr show needs as much star power as possible to cover 3 hours.
Rich: There is one last shot for Jericho to get his Payback on his former best friend. This is the KO show! After KO is done with Jericho he will be Drinking it in mannnnnn; through a freakin’ straw for the next six weeks!
Payback Main Events:
House of Horrors Match:
Phenom: Bray will try to psych out the Viper once more. Unfortunately for Wyatt, you can’t scare a snake! After a long winded match, watch out a RKO will destroy the Wyatt curse forever!
MarkyMC: This bout is going to take us to uncharted territory. They have done the groundwork to make this a match to remember. Both competitors can throw a finisher on you in a matter of seconds and plan on taking us through the depths of hell to decide who really is the WWE Champ. I’m going against the grain with this one I say Wyatt in a stunning upset.
Rich: Wyatt brings Orton into the depths of Hell in this House of Horrors Match and Orton never returns. He should have stayed loyal and remained a part of the Wyatt Family. Wyatt will make Orton admit that he is the Eater of Worlds! Wyatt regains the WWE Championship and Orton rethinks his entire career because of it!
Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman: The Big Dog will face the Beast of a Man. Braun left Roman in an overturned ambulance but the Big Dog has been licking his chops. This is HIS yard, much like this is MY brain child. Roman wins as the Beast Incarnate looks on!
MarkyMC: This match was good the first time I saw it a month ago when Reigns won it. Both big guys were gassed and over extended themselves and I was happy with the overall results. I want the crowd to hate Reigns. Keep forcing him down our throats WWE. Stroman wins this one and I’m going to copy and paste this into a file for when they have this match again at Extreme Rules!
Rich: Strowman is a Beast the likes of which has never been seen. Roman unleashed something that had been sleeping in this beast and he will be sorry because of it. This may be the Big Dog’s last ride. This match doesn’t end with a ride in an ambulance, but it may end in a ride in a hearse! Braun Strowman dominates the Big Dog in his own yard!