A Million Lifetimes Ago

I was reminded tonight of a funny story from when Jordan was so tiny, just home from the hospital. From those nights that seem so far away…Back when the days were so enveloped in scary thoughts and feelings, worry, fear of what would lie in the future.

Back when the dining room of my family home was turned into a hospital room, my kitchen turned into a nurses station, my pantry into a medicine and supply cabinet. When he was still hooked up to all those machines, that huge monster of a ventilator, the pulse oximeter, the kangaroo pump, and the ambu bag in his bed. The feeding tubes and medicine bottles lining the cabinets for anything we might encounter.

When the room in my house which had been once filled with family activity and joy, was a cozy ICU…watching and waiting for this baby to grow and get better. Amongst all those scary memories, I was reminded of a joyful one, which led me to reminisce on other meaningful moments.

Where those nurses were my friends, who calmed me, understood me, loved my son like I did, and shared his milestones with me. These people came into my home, spent nights away from their families, and became part of mine at the same time. They shared snacks with me, gave me the adult conversation I needed when no friends were to be found. They got to see me rush to the hospital in labor with Kobe, and they got to see me come home with my new addition to the family. They understood my life as I lived it, the difficulty in finding someone to walk that walk with us, to fight the fight we did. I feel grateful to know that they were able to experience those days with me, and to have memories like I do of those times, but also to remind me that not every moment was horrible, that we did have some laughter and happiness, and that we did manage to win the battle we waged.

Things may not have continued on the path we thought they would, but we all came away from those days having touched someone’s life. I hope that they were all as touched by our family as we were by their presence in our lives, in our home. People are brought to you for a purpose, it is never by accident that someone comes into your life…

I think ultimately we all seek to be a purpose in another person’s life. To be their reason to keep going, to win the battle they’re fighting, to get up every day and give life everything we have. In the end, we all hope that there is one person who will think of us that way. I am so fortunate to have had a few, and I hope that there are just a few out there who see me in that light.


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