It’s the last Pay-Per-View before Wrestlemania 33 and tensions are at an all time high. Goldberg is seeking Main Event gold as he takes on Kevin Owens! Who will enter the Showcase of Immortals as the Universal Champion? Will Bayley beat “The Queen” and snap her 16 PPv streak? Roman Reigns takes on Braun Stroman in a battle for the ages! These two powerhouses have been thorns in each others sides. Who will come out on top? Can Braun Strowman be stopped, or will Reigns just be another body in the pile left behind by the Monster? It all happens on Fastlane this Sunday!
I’m MarkyMC and with me is the Phenom, he’s a fan favorite, he loves unicorns. Also with me is Rich, you can make your own opinions of him, I think he’s a despicable human being and a dick. He’s probably stealing your internet right now.
Kevin Owens (c) vs Goldberg:
Phenom: KO royally screwed up by eliminating his “best friend”. Goldberg should have no problem taking him out. Kevin had many opportunities to win on his own. Always needed Jericho to help. Goldberg will easily hit his stride with a quick spear and a jackhammer and walk out of Fastlane and into Wrestlemania as the Universal Champion!!
MarkyMC: I think the real question is how long is this match going to last? Goldberg took the Beast Brock Lesnar out in a minute twenty-nine. Does it even go a minute before we see a Spear, Jackhammer, and a 3 count? Goldberg wins.
Rich: You guys are idiots. Kevin Owens is the new face of the WWE. Goldberg is lucky that Chris Jericho opened his stupid mouth and allowed this match to even take place. Kevin Owens sends Goldberg back into retirement where he belongs and goes to WrestleMania still the longest reigning Universal Champion ever!
Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman:
Phenom: Both of these men have stopped each other from a chance at the Universal Title and neither will back down from a good fight. Strowman has been a monster but Roman will not take this lightly. Strowman screwed him over and Reigns wants to take him down a peg. Reigns wins and it’s not even close!
MarkyMC: Strowman wants competition, will Reigns give it to him? The “Big Dog” has a lot of fight in him and been waiting for some yard time with Strowman. Braun has looked almost unstoppable, taking out opponent after opponent. This match is going to go the distance and really no one is winning after these two destroy each other. I’m going against my better judgement and saying Strowman wins this.
Rich: I have to hand it to you MarkyMC something intelligent did come out of that tiny brain of yours. The “Big Dog” is going to be put back in his cage where he belongs. Strowman crushes Reigns and takes over the top spot as the new “Giant” of the company. After he disposes of Reigns a title run it in his future.
Neville (c) vs Jack Gallagher:
Phenom: The supposed king of cruiserweights has insulted the Gentleman for the last time. Trashing the tea set that Gallagher worked extremely hard to provide a gentleman like setting for a contract. The real streets of London may be filled with guys like Neville but that just means they need better people like Gallagher to look up too. Gallagher becomes the new Cruiserweight Champion.
MarkyMC: Pretty sure Jack Gallagher is going to need a lot more than an umbrella to dethrone the “King of the Cruiserweights”. Neville wins.
Rich: I am over this whole 205 thing already. Both of these guys are idiots! If you find the Cruiserweight Division entertaining you are an idiot too! I would like to see both of them loose and this stupid division go away for good!
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson (c) vs Enzo Amore and Big Cass:
Phenom: S-A-W-F-T that’s how you spell the champions. After single handily being destroyed by Roman Reigns two weeks in a row, Enzo and Cass should be able to handle Gallows and Anderson very easily. Enzo and Big Cass have some serious skills and you can’t teach that!
MarkyMC: Enzo and Cass are finally getting their chance at gold. Only thing that stands in their way is “a cuppa haters”. Anderson and Gallows are looking to extend their championship reign. After the singles match we saw Monday all they’re going to end up with is a big boot and an Empire elbow. How you doin?!
Rich: Gallows and Anderson are the real deal here fellas. Enzo looks like a badger build a lodge in his head! He couldn’t put a comprehensive thought together if his life depended on it. Cass would do well to deliver the Empire Elbow to his little buddy who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut. The Club continues their reign as the Raw Tag Team Champions.
Bayley (c) vs Charlotte Flair:
Phenom: Bayley has done a lot in her short period of time on Raw with creating giant crowds of hugging fans! The huggable one has pinned the queen three times now. By standing up for herself, she will submit her legacy as the best. Her fans love her, and she is the only one to bring us the joy of the wacky, wavy, inflatable, arm waving tube men! Charlotte’s streak comes to and end at Fastlane.
MarkyMC: Bayley defends her title against “The Queen” in the worst setting for her odds; A Pay-Per-View event. Charlotte is 16 – 0 in PPV matches and Bayley is in her first Major title Defense. In Most cases i’d take the experience to go over, but there’s been a lot of controversial wins on both sides. All good streaks eventually come to an end. This one ends in the Fastlane!
Rich: Bayley doesn’t even belong in the same ring as The Queen. She is going to need a lot of hugs from her fans after this one. Charlotte’s streak continues and she remains Queen of the PPV and heads into WrestleMania 17-0 in PPV matches. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!