It’s Better to Burn Out… Happy 50th Kurt

There are some people you just can’t imagine growing old. Kurt is one of those that I am glad I never had to watch his youth go away. It’s sounds selfish of me to even say it, but even though he always had an old soul, he also had a young heart.

One baby to another says, “I’m lucky to have met you…”

Until he met Courtney, love and romance were still very underdeveloped and immature for Kurt and yet he saw it all from a very scientific view. It was like he was still grasping at impulses while his body was trying to catch up with everyone else around him. He was a fragile boy who loved to be mothered, but in a natural way, not a normal way.

It was like he had the heart of an aborted fetus… craving normalcy but shunning it at the same time. 

I think I’m dumb or maybe just happy

Definitely one of my favorite lyrics. I could spend hours trying to figure out why he confused those emotions. I’m guessing it was drug related, like most of his best stuff. I also think there is some truth in it. The smarter we are, the more serious life becomes and the faster happiness fades. I’m guessing Kurt would have been comfortable being called an “Idiot.”

She eyes me like a pieces when I am weak…

Born as a fish, Kurt knew he had a frightening vulnerability, but that was also an amazing safe haven for him. He was definitely fragile We saw it at the end as he crumbled under the weight of everyone adoring him even though he seemed to hate himself.

I’ve been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks.

If there was any question as to whom this woman who seemed to be torturing, enslaving and even crucifying Kurt, was, this lyric totally gives it away…

Courtney gave him the box on their first date.

I would like to eat your cancer when it turns black…

Another astrological reference here as Courtney was indeed a crab. Another example of how he saw love as a dark instinctual feeling, rather then a developed emotion. Before he met Courtney he was obsessed with collages of raw beef and diseased vaginas. One even made it on the back of the Nevermind album. Love, sex and romance seemed to be disturbing to Kurt, and he seemed to really enjoy being disturbed.

Rape me my friend…

This lyric really messed up a lot of people and I guess it should. We aren’t used to speaking in metaphors that use vulgarities to better express our true feelings. Kurt was a master of that art, and it’s why everyone loved him even though they didn’t understand him at all. Kurt seemed to want us to know certain aspects of his suffering without straight up admitting it. Bleach and Pennyroyal Tea are strong references to his favorite painkiller.

Just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you…

 Kurt had this way of saying so much, without saying anything at all. Not only did we kind of get what he was saying, but sometimes it happened to be exactly what we were thinking at the same time as well. Every time I heard that song I wanted to look over my shoulder… actually, I’m considering it at this very moment.

If you look at the very top of the “Suicide” note you will see that it is addressed to his childhood imaginary friend, Boodah. It’s no secret that Kurt wasn’t any less disturbed than any of the rest of us. He found comfort in crazy part of his mind where there was…

Nothing on top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds…

But he also had a dark side which explored the painful, hateful and scared portion of the human heart. The power struggle between the strong and the weak and the irony of it all.

Polly wants a cracker, I think I should get off her first.

We know that Kurt flirted with suicide. We also know that there were times when  he seemed very emotionally unstable, and we know that he hated society. What we don’t know is if “El Duce” took the money Courtney offered him to kill Kurt and actually performed the act…

Or if Kurt who promised us in “Come as You Are,” that he wasn’t packing heat, even though many pictures of him show us he clearly was, did it himself.

The truth is irrelevant at this point. Society has the hero we deserve, and as far as we know, he is resting in peace.


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